Oh Gawd. I meant well. It’s been a while. You know – since I blogged. And I meant to start up again – blogging – with something, you know, ‘Garden-ey’.
It was going to be Christmas-sy too. Yuletide meets Hearthside via The holly & The Ivy and the compost heap. I was going to go all Festive on The Home Front. To blind you with Austerity Chic. I was even going to charm you with my folk-artsy home-made decorations. See below. Be charmed, if you like. Or underwhelmed. I’ll leave it with you.
But then last night the inevitable happened. That which is The X-Factor.
At this juncture I could bring shame upon myself and my loved ones. I could discuss the woefully obvious attributes of some of this years male contestants. From there we could be just one short lambrini lurch into Guilty Pleasure territory. Old enough to be their mother. No,really,I am. So I won’t mention Matt Cardle, Aiden Grimshaw or – most worryingly of all – Zayn from One Direction. It wouldn’t be right. It would be a bit wrong. A bit innapropriate.
And anyway, it’s all over now. They’ve all left the building. Even Wagner.
I am left with a terrible connundrum.
For the last however many weeks it’s been (and oh, how it feels like a lifetime..) Eldest & I have been sitting through the X factor of a Saturday night . But Alas it is no more. So now what?
I hit upon an idea. I told it to Eldest. And now Eldest has gone into school and told everybody : My Mum’s Going On The X Factor.
I’m not,of course. It was a fib. But Eldest has now started perfecting the X Factor Voice-Over technique. Eldest has taken to announcing me when I come down the stairs . Eldest used to shout ‘M-A-A-A-R-Y B-U-U-U-R-N-E !’ only now it’s ‘M-Y M-U-U-U-M-M-M !’ – and I’m getting worried. Because now I’ve told a porky and it’s going to be tricky getting out of this one.
So. I need your help. I’d better choose an audition song, and quickly. I was thinking maybe ‘Flying Without Wings’ . Loius would like that. Or is it a bit dated now,that one, a bit Gareth Gates? Or maybe I could do ‘You raise me up’ ? You know, for Simon. He likes that one. But he’d still have to ask Sinitta if it was ok to put me through. And what if she’s wearing a couple of strategically placed banana leaves again? I wouldn’t know where to look..
So many questions. So many things that could go wrong. So many songs to choose from… I’d better get practising. I havn’t got long. But what do you think I should sing?