My Mum’s going on the X factor

Oh Gawd. I meant well.  It’s been a while. You know – since I blogged. And I meant to start up again – blogging – with something, you know, ‘Garden-ey’.

It was going to be Christmas-sy too. Yuletide meets Hearthside via The holly & The Ivy and the compost heap.  I was going to go all Festive on The Home Front. To blind you with Austerity Chic. I was even going to charm you with my folk-artsy home-made decorations.  See below.  Be charmed, if you like. Or underwhelmed. I’ll leave it with you.

But then last night the inevitable happened. That which is The X-Factor.

At this juncture I could bring shame upon myself and my loved ones. I could discuss  the woefully obvious attributes of some of this years male contestants. From there we could be just one short lambrini lurch into Guilty Pleasure territory. Old enough to be their mother. No,really,I am. So I won’t mention Matt Cardle, Aiden Grimshaw or – most worryingly of all – Zayn from One Direction. It wouldn’t be right. It would be a bit wrong. A bit innapropriate.



(Really Wrong)

(Call Social Services)


And anyway, it’s all over now. They’ve all left the building. Even Wagner.


I am left with a terrible connundrum.  

For the last however many weeks it’s been (and oh, how it feels like a lifetime..) Eldest & I have been sitting through the X factor of a Saturday night . But Alas it is no more.  So now what?

I hit upon an idea.  I told it to Eldest.  And now Eldest has gone into school and told everybody : My Mum’s Going On The X Factor.

I’m not,of course. It was a fib. But Eldest has now started perfecting the X Factor Voice-Over technique. Eldest has taken to announcing me when I come down the stairs . Eldest used to shout ‘M-A-A-A-R-Y    B-U-U-U-R-N-E !’  only now it’s ‘M-Y  M-U-U-U-M-M-M !’ – and I’m getting worried.  Because now I’ve told a porky and it’s going to be tricky getting out of this one.

So.  I need your help.  I’d better choose an audition song, and quickly.  I was thinking maybe ‘Flying Without Wings’ . Loius would like that. Or is it a bit dated now,that one, a bit Gareth Gates?  Or maybe I could do ‘You raise me up’ ? You know, for Simon. He likes that one.  But he’d still have to ask Sinitta if it was ok to put me through.  And what if she’s wearing a couple of strategically placed banana leaves again? I wouldn’t know where to look..

So many questions. So many things that could go wrong.  So many songs to choose from…  I’d better get practising.  I havn’t got long. But what do you think I should sing?


About In a Welsh Garden

Artist,Illustrator,Pro-face and body painter,Blogger and Happy Gardener : )
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7 Responses to My Mum’s going on the X factor

  1. Caroline says:

    I’ll come along to the audition with you and bite my nails nervously backstage. I def see you as a bit of a Beyonce… xxxx

  2. Ah, you are too kind (no,really you are) – Beyonce is a bridge too far I fear but I do love you for saying it : D

    I think that you should join me and we could audition as a group. We could be like Two To Go or Same Difference only much better of course. Maybe we could be called Two’s Up (on yer ciggy,la) – What do you think? xxx

  3. Hiya, I don’t watch that show, but I’m sure you can win it – I have total faith in you 🙂 And love reading your blog !

  4. Jan says:

    I’m so pleased your back. I kept sticking my head over your garden fence but your back door remained shut! As for your dilemma – hmm, I think you might have to come clean – else with your imagination you could land yourself in deeper doo doo. I’ve always got music going round in my head, but when the spotlight revolves in my direction and I’m asked to name a song – I’m glassy-eyed and blank (I pretend it’s unusual) and the first thing that came to mind was “The Biggest Aspidistra” – well, at least you don’t have to sing like an angel for that one.

  5. Hello lovely Mrs ZebsBakes – You are an absolute lovely,with very kind words – but I fear that your faith in my ability to win the x factor may be a little misplaced … : D Love to you all over the festive season and I hope that Zeb and his sis get a nice tasty morsel or two from Santy : )

  6. Hello Jan : ) – I am so glad that you are back too – I hope that you are still cooking and stirring and glooping ‘until globby fine’ with your lovely grandchildren : )

    I think that you may be right about my X factor woes. I may have to come clean. It will be a sad day indeed. But it shall be tinged with relief.

    I have never experienced the joys of karaoke , although it isn’t for the want of giving it a go. I just need to be drunk enough I think. But I don’t think you can do that on the x factor so that’d be a problem straight away. It’s a dilemma that I shall no doubt continue to wrestle with well into the festive season.

    May I wish you a very joyous festive season,happy holidays to you and yours : )

  7. Jan says:

    I shall indeed be doing a bit of ‘slurbling and glooking’ and I always hope it turns out ‘globby fine’ – sprinkled with humour almost anything can be ‘globby fine’. I have such fun with those words! Merry crackerations to you and your family – to me the snow on your side of the world looks so exciting but I guess it has by now become a botheration – stay warm and decorated!

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