Ok. Hello. For the last few months I have been gardening. I have been gardening for years – nothing new there. We have been tending the same garden for years – nothing new there. But over recent weeks something has been happening that could not be ignored. The garden has started speaking to me.
Or , rather, everything in it – the animals, the trees, the plants and the flowers, the wind, the rain – the life force, the energy.
Other things have been happening too. Things that look separate but that I now know are connected. It all started when I gave birth to my second child.
For a long time , many years, I had worked alot. Self employed as it were. But it wasn’t just that – for a long time , yes, many years – I had been busy. Not just busy as in ‘rushed off my feet’ , no, something else too : busy as in asleep.
On a practical level I was exhausted. Two children,both under the age of six.Something had to give before I did. So I gave up running my own business. It was a blessed relief.
Around this time ,I started having these dreams. Strange dreams that took me back to times in my life that I thought were buried away for ever.And not only that , – I started , in that strange and curious state when my head had just touched the pillow ,between being awake and falling into sleep – going back , retracing the events in my life upto the present day. This happened over a number of nights, maybe seven or ten. I began to wonder if I was going to die soon, if there was a reason for all of this – why was this flooding my head and my senses ? Why now ?
Somewhere in the middle of all this I hit 40. I didn’t welcome it but I knew that it was inevitable, like the tide coming in.
I gardened. It was still difficult to find the time what with looking after the children & the needs of the household. But I managed to find it – an hour here (that was on a good day),fifteen minutes here, ten minutes there (more usually).
And as I gardened something began to happen within me , and within our household. A shift. A seismic shift within myself . Whatever is happening here is happening still.
The garden told me to write this blog.
So that is what I am going to do.